the Black Family

Working as a legal drug dealer in the pharmaceutical industry, I have the opportunity to meet and have close contact with people from a myriad of backgrounds. These contacts are often bridges to understanding different cultures at least as it is depicted by the individuals. A few weeks ago I came in contact with a Jewish woman through my job. The first phrase out of her mouth was filled with disgust for my company and my predecessor. After alleviating her concerns about business issues we began to have a pleasant conversation about life and family. Once I disclosed that I was a parent a competitive aroma filled the room. At least at the time I believed it to be competition until the conversation continued. The question that opened the flood gates was filled with all types of assumptions and stereotypes. She asked what my husband’s occupation was. I immediately explained that my son’s father and I are no longer together and the barrage of questions that followed put me in defense mode. I wasn’t defending me I was defending the Black Family.

While technically I am a statistic, I have far surpassed any expectations of a single mom who had her son as a teenager. It doesn’t matter that I was 19 turning 20 in a month when he was born or that I was going into my junior year in college. It doesn’t even matter that I finished college in 4yrs, not a day over, without any help from his sperm donor. It doesn’t matter that I have been a successful pharmaceutical representative for the last five years. It doesn’t matter that I purchased two homes by the age of 25 and I am the president of a real estate investment corporation. Bottom line I was an unwed teenaged mother and I am a statistic.

Today this woman, Leah, began to explain to me the importance of birth control and the necessity of getting an education. She also commented on the lack of Black male role models. Leah, a Jewish mother of seven who works for her husband is breaking down the plight of the Black Family to me a Black woman. How interesting is this turn of events. I will not begin to discuss how frustrated I am with our Black men with Leah. So again I am in defense mode. I exalted my sons Godfather who has a Masters from NYU and my grandparents who have been married for over 47 years. I had to maintain my professional demeanor, however I wanted to point out every stereotypical flaw in the Jewish community but I refrained. I have come in contact with racism before but none so bold. I was semi-shocked at the audacity of this lady to even address my situation in this manner. She may have felt as if she was educating an informed Black girl and therefore fulfilling her good deed (mitzvah) for the day. However, this is apparently not the case.

When I left her presence I began to dwell on the problems that over shadow our community. Too often we discuss at length what the problems in our community are and debate why they occur. What needs to be discussed is the necessary actions that would help resolve many of our dilemmas. Not for the purposes of Leah or anyone else but us. There are too many single black moms with no male role models for their children. Many of our men are not taking responsibility for their children. Now I know there are many good black men out there so don’t attack me. But the statistics are real: Black women getting HIV/AIDS at a faster rate than anyone. Black men incarcerated at a higher rate. The list goes on and on and on. It’s not productive to blame any one gender because it affects all of us. We are the Black Family.